A stunning memoir of coming of age and recovering from anorexia in the 2020s
Charlotte Bellows wrote The Definition of Beautiful between the ages of fifteen and seventeen, in the wake of lockdown and in recovery from anorexia. In the tradition of Sylvia Plath in The Bell Jar and Françoise Sagan in Bonjour Tristesse, Bellows writes with deceptively straightforward urgency, pushing through society's constraints on the bodies and minds of girls and women to offer a story both achingly familiar and devastatingly new.
In 2020, fourteen-year-old Charlotte's lifelong drive to achieve 'perfection' distorts into an all-encompassing obsession. Living between the suffocating world of lockdown and an uncanny dreamscape inhabited by competing avatars, Charlotte faces a parade of masked faces in hospital rooms, the aftermath of first love, the erosion of lifelong friendship, and the agony of seeing her illness devastate her family as it threatens to destroy her; as the world reopens, she finds new connections and mentors, new joy, new ways of thinking, new ways to be.
Charlotte Bellows offers a potent fusion of insight and innocence -- a story for those who suffer or have suffered from eating disorders, but, more, a vital coming of age story of a young gay and artistic woman, tugged and throttled by a myriad of pressures, not least from the dark gravity that is the underside of her own creative drive.
Authors
- Pages
- 256
- Published in
- Calgary, CA
- Rights
- Charlotte Bellows
Table of Contents
- Cover 1
- Back Cover 2
- Half Title 3
- Title 5
- Copyright 6
- Disclaimer 7
- Part 1: Entropy 9
- Rock Bottom 10
- The Lanky Boy 16
- Ribs 19
- When I Was Younger 25
- Spray Paint and Rhinestones 27
- Gusts of Wind in a Perfect Storm 34
- Prejudice 42
- A Distant Thought 44
- I Hope You Know 45
- Michelle 47
- Sparkler 49
- The Mysterious Girl 51
- Unspoken 58
- Answers 61
- This Cold Structure 67
- Waiting 69
- The Puzzle 71
- Maybe 74
- Chaos 75
- Part 2: Fear 76
- Breakfast 76
- The Girl with the Butterfly Tank Top 79
- The Losing Game 83
- Edmonton 86
- Jade 91
- Razors 107
- Millions of Broken Little Pieces 113
- The Eye 116
- All These Years and I Still Can't Understand Your Intentions 117
- Undone 118
- The Calgary Ward 121
- Vitals 123
- Things Overheard Behind Closed Doors 129
- Emergency 134
- The Basement 139
- Glass 145
- Part 3: Trust 147
- Confession 148
- Stars 151
- Nostalgia 158
- The Bus Stop 159
- Heartbeat 166
- Part 4: Solitude 170
- The Clinic 171
- Rain 181
- Part 5: Love 184
- Messy, Incoherent Things 184
- Mom 186
- Nighttime Thoughts 187
- Bittersweet 189
- The Mirror 191
- Levitating 194
- The Monster and Me 201
- Flight 204
- An Abundance of Numbers 206
- A Phone Call 209
- Purpose 211
- This Isn't a Goodbye, Is It? 212
- Beauty Before 214
- I'm Okay 215
- Parting 216
- Part 6: Hope 218
- A Familiar Voice 219
- The Media 220
- She Glowed 222
- The New Normal 224
- Magazines 226
- My Dearest Player 228
- Part 7: Euphoria 229
- The Universe 229
- It's A Strange Feeling 234
- Difficult 235
- I Wonder What It All Means 237
- Home 241
- Flora 242
- Fresh Starts 244
- Everything 245
- I Think That's Beautiful 248
- Acknowledgements 253
- Author Bio 255