thimbles

Table of Contents

• Cover 1
• Title Page 4
• Copyright 5
• Table of Contents 6
• Dedication 10
• un bacin d’amor 12
• ponte vecchio 14
• ins and outs of days 16
• her father came home 17
• her past unravels 18
• she remembers dates 21
• she transports me 22
• nonna took me for walks 23
• hand-made apron tied 24
• the day before 25
• after she lets me 26
• she wouldn’t throw out old stockings 27
• the wrinkle between her eyebrows 28
• she made one pantsuit for herself 29
• in willistead park she teaches me 30
• nonna takes a bath 31
• she is naked from the waist down. 32
• she said 33
• something happened after her brother died 34
• what if this is a lesson in light? 35
• only the good lasts 36
• there are no stories 38
• when I enter this house 39
• her head floats over 41
• i begin with thimbles 42
• the wine is locked up 43
• nonna never complained 45
• i call them episodes 46
• her middle name 48
• my hands were always swelling. 49
• this afternoon at 3:45 50
• nonna needs someone 51
• she never changed 52
• in the white 53
• i arrive armed 54
• later i ask her 55
• i witness her suffering 56
• i call to her 57
• i am too weak 58
• the questions i haven’t asked 59
• over & over, i am fractured 60
• i want to unfold the disease 61
• & there are days 62
• i didn’t pay attention to her service 63
• i can see your spirit 64
• you are an extension of me 65
• i dream of going into your bedroom 66
• does it make me a bad 67
• for two months i did not visit. 68
• who will take her things? 69
• i stole your flowered dress 70
• if thimbles could speak 71
• on my left arm there’s a thimble in black 72
• in the purgatory of a transitioning soul 73
• i stare at nonna 74
• one day i’m going to 75
• minds change like colour in heated cotton 76
• on this day she is different 77
• don’t force her to get up 78
• the palliative care doctor is a man 79
• three daughters one granddaughter a nurse 81
• i curse my inability to speak my heart 82
• her pain is spiritual 83
• nonna’s spirit floats above 84
• even though 85
• water gets inserted 86
• the medical term is “agitation” 87
• i undo myself 88
• this is a plea 89
• her body becomes 90
• her cheekbones 91
• i can measure 92
• send in the opioids 93
• i let her go before she goes 94
• i am afraid 95
• domani è un altro giorno 96
• my cell phone rings at 6:12am 98
• i give you permission 99
• her forehead is still warm 100
• it takes too long for the nurse to arrive 101
• there is talk of tying it 102
• black body bag gaping on a stretcher 103
• thursdays will always be cracked 104
• today 105
• the pandemic funeral 106
• i take three pictures 107
• seven hours of visitation 108
• someone tucked roses 109
• the date of your death 110
• a shirtless man with 1980s hair 111
• the ground 112
• the simple truth is 113
• i want you back in the kitchen 114
• breakfast with nonna in the graveyard 115
• it is my responsibility 116
• ask me anything 117
• response: when i die i want your thimble on my finger 118
• Acknowledgements 122
• About the Author 124